Degrees of Freedom
by sophiesix
Summary: Flame and Alex have been named incompetent parents and Ayasha has been removed from their care. Despite their anguish they must fight to get her back. Follows Thaw
1. Chapter 1

_Flame and Alex have been named incompetent parents and Ayasha has been removed from their care. Despite their anguish they must fight to get her back. Follows Thaw_

_*_

**Degrees of freedom**

All persons should be allowed the freedom to live as they wish so long as that freedom does not impinge upon the freedom of others.

*

1.

The loudest thing in the interview room was the buzz of the electric lights. I sat across the desk from Jackson, watching him, trying to decide where he was coming from. Humans were always difficult to read. In the two way mirror, the tables were turned, and Jackson's reflection watched mine closely. Seeker headquarters never went for the homey look and the bare interview room was a perfect example.

It was interesting having Seekers and humans working together. The ultimate good cop bad cop routine. So long as the suspects never realized the bad cops would not be allowed to follow through on their threats, it worked a treat. The Souls had learnt a lot about human nature through their human counterparts, and the humans had found themselves back in positions of power, with a huge network of resources to tap into. On a personal level, things didn't go so smoothly, and the old animosity between Seekers and humans still grated more often than not.

I wondered about asking Jackson to take my handcuffs off, and decided against it. He hadn't shown any sign of warming to me, either as a Seeker or as a Soul. I wondered how he got on with his Soul partner. I was guessing not well. I was guessing they both preferred to work alone.

The hour was late, and I knew it would get much later before I'd get a chance to rest. Jackson was waiting for me to break, spill my guts, and I was waiting for him to get over himself. It was taking a while. Finally he leaned forward onto the table.

"Why don't you just start from the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"The very beginning."

I liked this idea. The longer I could spin my story the more chance Melts Blue Ice would have to get me out of here. I wonder if Jackson had reason to keep me here too. Maybe they were waiting on forensics.

Nevertheless, it suited my purposes, so I began.

***

To my mind, it all began the day I arrived home and found Alex waiting for me in the garage, Margie hovering in the internal doorway. I was late, and later I couldn't help wondering what might have happened if I had got home in time. Perhaps the only difference would have been that I wouldn't have hit Alex.

I remembered being so angry I couldn't breathe, the walls of the lounge room dissolving. The anger had come first; the fear, grief, and hopelessness came later.

"You let them take her?" I had shouted at him, furious beyond thought, "You just let them take her?"

The punch came so fast I didn't know I was doing it til my hand stung and Alex was holding his face.

Margie grabbed my arms and shoved me into a chair.

"They came with Seekers, they said I was an incompetent parent," Alex muttered, turning his face away but not moving from my side.

"Incompetent?" I yelled, almost too upset to absorb what he was saying.

"Because I'm brain damaged. Disabled." That would have stung for Alex, he was very conscious of how he talked. "They said they had a legal right." He handed me the legal papers.

I skimmed through the paperwork, fear rising higher and higher the more I read. Inappropriate parenting. Breach of code of conduct with a comforter: aggression and threatening language. That would be me. In the hospital when Alex was in a coma.

Incompetent parenting. Brain damage. That was Alex. Apparently any degree of brain damage made a parent incompetent. And I was guilty of child neglect for leaving Ayasha with him. And so they had taken her into care, confident that they could improve her.

This looked very bad.

"I called Melts Blue Ice straight away," Margie said, "He'll be here any minute."

We waited awkwardly in silence, straining to hear Melts Blue Ice's car, for him to tell us it was all a mistake, a misunderstanding, easily fixed. But until I heard him say those words I couldn't even look at Alex. Being in the same room with him made me grow prickles 2 feet long. Approach at own risk.

Finally Margie led Melts Blue Ice in, and he went straight to Alex, forewarned. Alex tensed as if he would abuse him too, but he only examined the growing swelling on his face where I'd hit him.

"Hungry Flame. How on earth did you think that would help our case? He can't go to the Healing Centre, they'll make a note of domestic abuse-"

"They don't have to know that she-"

"It doesn't matter how it happened. It's violent and it makes you look bad. You'll just have to stay here til the bruise goes away."

He picked up the paperwork and read it minutely, and we hung on his silence.

"First thing tomorrow morning go to the Children's Ward. Be pleasant but firm, and they have no reason not to let you see her. Don't give them a reason not to let you see her, do you understand?

I nodded, thankful he could take charge. I was totally lost. The only thing I could think to do was hit out or curl up in grief. My little girl…

"They'll be testing her to back up their claims, show that she hasn't progressed. How do you think she'll do?"

I couldn't respond, my whole breathing system was in a vacuum. Finally Alex spoke up.

"She was frightened when they took her. She doesn't talk much when she's scared."

My heart slowly split in two.

"Right then. You'll need to ask to see the test results and get her to redo them, and redo them properly. That's really important, ok? If a judge sees that she hasn't progressed, he's going to be open to trying institutionalization. Especially a Soul judge. You can't assume they'll understand the importance of family. But if we can show progress, any progress, we're on a much better footing. Hungry Flame, are you understanding me?"

I forced my head to nod.

"Ok. I'll get started on the legal angle. There's nothing else you can do tonight. Try and get some rest. And try to keep out of trouble?"

I didn't respond, and Margie walked him out. I was left alone with Alex. I could feel him thinking about coming over to me, needing to make things right. But I didn't look at him. I didn't want to see the damage I had done to his face. I didn't want to see the guilt and the hurt in his eyes. I didn't want to see him at all.

Eventually he got the picture and left me alone.

I couldn't face our bedroom. And I certainly couldn't go near Ayasha's. Bhask was away, touring human-inclusive schools in Mixed cities, preparing a report for Parliament. I crawled into his bed and gave in to the urge to curl up and hide. But my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone.

I was supposed to be the competent parent. I was supposed to have been able to stop this. I hadn't even seen it coming.

The charge of incompetent parenting would be especially hard for Alex to take. The drowning had left his brain will some healing to be done. It was only to be expected from the length of time he'd been without oxygen. It was not enough to stop him doing anything completely, but it tarnished everything he did. His speech was a tiny bit too slow, a suggestion of slurring at the edges, his movements occasionally not quite precise enough. All small things, but just enough to be noticeable. He hated how the nurses unconsciously spoke more slowly and simply to him. He wasn't pushy enough to tell them there was nothing wrong with his hearing, and he forbade me from saying anything. Dorsey would have snapped at them regardless. But Dorsey was half a world away, cut off from us in a Soul-free zone with her partner and child. I wished she could be closer. Her responses would have been appreciated for so many things.

Alex's response was to work relentlessly on improving himself. I'd drive home and sit in the garage listening forlornly to him playing pieces that used to be effortless for him, the music now peppered with stumbling phrases and awkward transitions. He forced his fingers again and again through each wretched movement, and I knew that in his mind he knew it perfectly, could have recited it note for note, but his body constantly betrayed him and tripped over the formations every time.

Still, he was improving. It was slow, but his doctors said it was measurable. It might have been more noticeable had he been worse affected, which, I suppose, was a good thing. His family and friends didn't notice the impediment anymore, and thus couldn't see the improvement either. Likewise I didn't hear the slowness in his voice, or see the awkwardness in his fingers, unless he tried to do something particularly delicate like play a concerto or fix something for Yashie. I'd forget that he considered himself damaged goods until I suggested something like making a speech for a charity ball, or joining a new committee, and wonder why he refused. To us, he was the same old Alex.

Except for Ayasha. She had lost her blind faith in her Daddy after the incident in the hospital, and was slow to trust him completely again. I dumped her on him as often as I could, but given the choice, she would always come to me, relaxing with a sigh in my lap as if she had to be always on guard with Alex, in case he turned into someone else again. I could see Alex's unhappiness in the set of his face, the sting of being unfavoured after so long as number one.

Hoping it was something they could share between themselves, I resisted being involved in the bedtime routine, but Yash would only tolerate that process if she could have the final act with me. That way, she fell asleep happily. Any other way, and she lay awake kicking at the wall. You could only push her so far.

"Want Mummy to read me the story," she said as Alex tucked her in, making sure things went according to her plan that night. We had tried one too many times to change it, and now she wasn't going to leave it to chance.

"What are we reading tonight?" I asked, squeezing beside her on the narrow bed, sinking into a world of fresh sheets and fresh-from-the-bath child.

"Bunnies please," she murmured, dragging a dog eared copy of Watership Down towards me. Bhask had shown her the movie and now she wanted to 'read' the book.

"Alright, here we go: Rowsby Woof and the Fairy Wogdog. There was a big rabbit. There was a small rabbit. There was El-ahrairah, and he had the frost in his fine new whiskers…"

She chuckled sleepily and snuggled into my side. Her total limpness let me know she was asleep long before the end of the chapter, and I snuck away and joined Alex who was listening in the shadows of the doorway.

"Who who who is that there?" I said in my Rowsby Woof voice, pressing my nose onto each of his cheeks in turn, "could it be a fairy wogdog? Really? All for me? Oh oh oh! No one will believe me!" I felt him grin as he tucked his arms around me.

"I'll never be allowed to read that one: you _are_ Rowsby Woof," he said softly, pulling me close.

"I'll let you read me that one. In fact, I wouldn't let anyone else."

"Oh really?" he murmured, "I'm so glad you still prefer me for your bedtime stories."

"Most definitely. You are my number one bedtime story person and tucker-innerer," I assured him, and showed him my appreciation with a very bedtime kiss.

***

Could that have only been last night? It felt like another world. Now Ayasha was gone and Alex… I couldn't believe I had hit him. It wasn't his fault. Of course it wasn't his fault. If he had fought back, struggled, even just argued with them it would have been fodder for their mill, further proof of what terrible parents we were. It would have terrified Ayasha even further. He had done the only thing he could: fought the fear, the fury, the hurt and injustice within himself, and called for reinforcements.

To not have Alex to comfort, to anchor me was agonising, but I couldn't bring myself to reach out to him. Or even look at him. In his eyes would be a twin of my own pain, double the feeling of being adrift in an endless ocean, unable to even find the edges to wrap your arms around it and hold it down. By looking at him I would be confronting my own devastation, and it was too big to face. Running was the only possibility.

I wiped my tears away and tried harder to blank my thoughts and go to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

"She has become completely uncommunicative."

"She's afraid."

"We have given her no reason to be afraid."

"She has never been away from her family. Not once. She doesn't understand why she is being punished like this."

"It is not a punishment."

It was like talking a computer with limited inputs. The Children's Ward comforter was just not recognizing what I was saying, despite my carefully steady, quiet voice and pleasant tone. And yet she had seen for herself what a night spent stolen away from her family had done to Ayasha. _Completely uncommunicative_. Wasn't there a clue there that they weren't doing something right?

"I know you are trying to do your best for her, but she's not going to see it that way. She needs her family."

I let my eyes beg her just a little. It seemed she had run out of pre-generated outputs.

"Come this way please," she said, and I followed her deeper into the building.

Like Healing Centres everywhere, the Children's Ward repelled me instantly with its shiny floors holding flat reflections of the tube lights overhead, the colourful wall decals doing little to hide the mind-numbingly pastel walls. A labyrinth of corridors and rooms interconnecting in a manner designed to confuse and prevent escape.

"Hungry Flame. The mother," the Comforter said, knocking on the open office door of another Comforter. I deflated, realizing I was not going to be taken straight to Yash.

"Ah, Hungry Flame. Spinning Webs, enchanted to meet you. Please, sit down." He waved at a seat and flicked through a drawer to find our file. "I do understand this must be difficult."

"Do you have children?"

"Why is that always the first question people ask?" he asked softly, smiling, "I spend too much time with the children at work to properly care for any of my own."

I felt the unsaid reproach. Working mothers be warned: you cannot be both. Even if your husband pretends to be a mother. The system will punish you.

"Here are Ayasha's most recent tests," he went on, pulling out some sheets.

"She got zero on word recognition?" I asked, stunned, reading though them carefully.

"She didn't respond. At all. I take it she does speak?"

"Of course. To us, at least."

The movement of his eyebrows made me feel like Ayasha was some kind of imaginary friend, a lifeless doll that spoke only in our heads while we insisted to the world that she was a real girl.

"There has been screaming, but I don't count that as communication," he went on. _Why not_? I thought, _I would_: _she's obviously trying to tell you something_. "She's very emotionally immature. Did you realise that?"

With an effort, I ignored his academic way of talking about my traumatized child as if she were an interesting academic case.

"I'd like you to redo these tests please. With me present. I'd like you to do them now. Because once she realises I'm not taking her home today…" I did not doubt there would be more screaming. I didn't want to think about it.

"Well if you think you can make her talk… I'd like to see it."

"I don't need to _make_ her talk; she'll talk voluntarily if she feels safe."

"I can assure you she's perfectly safe here."

"Of course."

We eyed each other for a moment more.

"Come this way."

***

"This is her room here," the nurse said affably, pushing open the door to an empty room, "Oh dear, she's gone again."

I slipped past them, walked over to the cupboard, and pulled it open. A ball of child peeked out fearfully from a blanket.

"Mum!!" she yelled, throwing the blanket away and leaping into my arms as I squatted to reach for her. Miracle of miracles: The Child Speaks!

"Yashie…" I whispered, holding her tight and settling back so I could sit on the floor and concentrate just on holding her. I didn't think I'd ever be able to let her go.

"They took me away, Mummy," she murmured eventually, sliding her fingers over my face as if to prove it was really there, "They took me away and Daddy wasn't allowed to come and I didn't know…"

"It's alright baby. It's alright now."

"It's Not Nice here. I needed you for my bed time story. I didn't want to go to sleep…"

I had forgotten the Comforters were still there til I felt Yash shrink into to me and turned to see Spinning Webs coming closer.

"We can start that testing now, if you'd like, Hungry Flame,"

"Just give us a minute, please."

Ayasha was silent til they drifted away.

"We're not going home now?"

"Not yet."

"I want to go home."

"Of course you do honey. We all want you back so much. But it's not up to us, it's up to these people. And they don't do what you want by screaming and crying at them."

She curled up and I could see the stubborn mullet look creep onto her face.

"And you can't just clam up and ignore them either. They won't like that. They want to see a happy Yash."

"I don't feel happy."

"I know, baby."

"And I'm not allowed to be sad, and I'm not allowed to be angry…"

"I know sweetheart. You just got to hang in there a little while, and we'll show them how smart you are, and that you don't need to be in a place like this, and they'll let us take you home."

"They think I'm dumb?"

"They think Mummy hasn't been looking after you properly, teaching you enough. They think they can do a better job here."

She struggled with the insanity of this concept. I did too.

"I love you Mummy," was all she could reply.

"I know," I whispered back, "and I love you too sweetheart. Everyone's thinking about you, helping to get you out. Bhask is coming right home, I'll bring him tomorrow-"

"And Daddy?"

I was struck down with guilt, and at the same time, so happy that she had asked for him. He would be thrilled to know she didn't think of him as some split-personalitied monster. That she missed him and wanted him here as well as me. But then I remembered that he couldn't come, and thought twice about tempting him.

"Daddy can't come for a little while."

"Doesn't he want to see me?"

"Of course he does baby. He loves you so much. He just… can't come. For a little while."

"He's busy."

"Uh… yeah." I couldn't find the words to explain that I had beaten him and forced him into hiding.

"But he'll come later?"

"Of course."

I felt her take a breath and steel herself.

"What do I have to do?" she asked.

I took her hand in mine and we walked out to face the Comforters.

***

She sat in her favoured position, curled in my lap, and stared at my shoulder as if she could block out the other people around the table by force of will alone.

"Yash, I want you to talk to these people, using all your words, ok? It doesn't matter if you don't know something, they just want to hear what you do know. Can you do that for Mummy?"

"I don't like them," she whispered under her breath. I grimaced, hoping the others hadn't heard. Then malevolently hoping they had.

"Ok, but you're doing it for Mummy. It's really important."

"Can we go home afterwards?"

We'd been through this. But I couldn't tell her no. And I couldn't tell her yes.

"We've got a couple of things to do here first. I'll be right here with you."

At length she nodded, and I helped her turn and face the room. The Comforters held up pictures for her to name. She looked at each one carefully and named them, almost all correctly. I couldn't tell whether the Comforters were pleased or annoyed by this, and made sure Yash knew that I, at least, was ecstatic. They followed with listening comprehension tests , letter recognition… I felt like we were trying out for a prestigious university.

"Thank you, that will be sufficient for today."

"Can I go home now?" Yash said, speaking to them directly for the first time.

There was a pause, and I felt it was a guilty one.

"Not just yet, Ayasha."

***

"How did it go?" Margie asked, finally sick of following me round the house and waiting for me to say something. I could feel Alex hovering and kept my eyes carefully on my bag.

"She's ok. Not happy," I grimaced, "but ok."

The tension in the room lightened by at least a kilopascal.

"I got them to redo the tests, I think she did really well. Much better than when _they_ tried, anyway. Have you heard from Melts Blue Ice?"

"He put in our objection today, I think he'd been working all night on it. I told him to go home and get some sleep, and we'd let him know how you went."

I was filled with gratitude for our devoted friends. I couldn't even contemplate how to fight this alone. The silence lengthened and I was aware again of Alex's shadowy presence at the edge of my vision. I still couldn't look at him, and I had nothing to say to him. I almost wished he wasn't there, but knew it was just the anger and the helplessness talking. Even without Dorsey to point it out. Besides which, it wasn't as if there was anywhere he could go, so I chose the next best option.

"Bhask's flight will get in soon, I better go pick him up-"

"Let me go," he said, reaching for the keys.

"You can't," Margie and I both said, my tone aggravated and hers apologetic. His hand froze and retreated. I grabbed the keys and left in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

The next day I returned to the Children's Ward promptly at nine, this time with Bhask.

"Bhask!" Ayasha jumped up from her bed and held her arms out to him. I left them while I went to speak to Spinning Webs.

"The test results are much improved," he said, reading off the screen and printing them out. I was waiting for him to say 'It's amazing what a night in care can do', as I collected my copies. "I have been advised you have commenced legal proceedings to regain custody of Ayasha."

I nodded warily. I wished they weren't holding Yash hostage so I could speak freely.

"I have asked for the matter to be expedited with all possible efficiency," he said briskly.

I stared at him, stunned. He was helping? He _was _helping: we would have her back sooner this way.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You understand she will have to stay here until the magistrate delivers his findings?"

I nodded.

"You are free to visit any time you wish, of course, throughout the process."

"And Bhask?"

"Sorry?"

"Her brother. He can visit too? And her father? And…"

He frowned, and I sensed I was pushing him too far.

"Immediate family only. No more than two at a time."

"Fine. Thank you."

He showed me to the door, and I held out my hand.

"Really, thank you," I said quietly, looking sincerely into his eyes. He managed a small smile, almost a scared smile, and I left him to his neat office and went to find Yash and Bhask.

I could hear them talking from the corridor. I slowed and listened outside the door.

"I don't like it here. I want to go home"

"And we're gonna get you home. We're working on it right now. Meanwhile, I'll give you a few tips, ok? You gotta know what these people want. No screaming. No biting. Minimum of wriggling. Lots of smiling. You draw pictures, ok? Draw pictures of what they want. Happy families. Lots of happy stuff. That way they'll be happy with you. That'll help us get you out."

"What if they won't ever let me out?"

"Then I'm going to come round to that window in the middle of the night and sneak in and steal you away."

I could hear the grin in her voice.

"Will Daddy come too?"

"Sure, I'll need him to give me a boost to the window sill, won't I?"

"I miss Daddy. When's Daddy going to come?"

"Ah. Daddy really wants to come and see you but, well, you can't tell anyone? Mum got really angry with him when she found out he let them take you."

"Really angry?"

"She hit him."

"No!" she gasped, "Mummy?"

"Yeah, we were all pretty upset."

"Poor Daddy!"

"Yeah, he's a bit sad at the moment. See, if he came now, they'd see he'd been hit, and they'd think he was a violent human. They wouldn't let him take you home."

"Is Mummy still angry at him?"

"Uh, kinda. She's really not happy with you being here."

"I'm not happy here either."

"No one's happy about it. That's why we're going to get you out real soon. Meanwhile: lots of happy pictures!"

"Got it."

***

Though the scenes replayed in my mind, I only told Jackson the pertinent details. I didn't tell him about the note. I didn't tell him how Alex read it silently then handed it to me as he walked away. What I read finally broke my anti-Alex shield.

Halo dadde

ets ayassa her I mess u.

Bask sed u karnt kum and se me

I dast wont to sai I luv u and don be sad

becos I no mumme luvs u to

efen ef se es to angre to sai it nau.

yor malsa

Aya

I followed him to Ayasha's room. He was kneeling by her bed, his fists grinding into her doona. He looked up as I paused in the doorway and wiped his face on his shoulder, hiding his desolation anew under guardedness, as if waiting for me to hurt him again.

I couldn't find the words to tell him what I wanted to say, and just kept hovering by the doorway, gazing at his heartbroken, bruised face. Finally he looked away and his movement broke the spell, letting me come over and kneel beside him, holding him tight, struggling to get air past the pain engulfing my chest. He let his head rest against mine, and slowly, his arms found me too. And finally I had my anchor in our sea of grief.


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

I told Jackson about the hearing; how our lives were under the spotlight, every detail examined and replayed on the news. Everything we said or didn't say, did or didn't do. My 'violence' at Kelly's camp, my seeker records, my healer records. Alex's Healer's case notes from the drowning and subsequent drawn out recovery. Even Bhask got dragged in somehow, as the only other example of my mothering abilities. And of course, Comforter Constant Green's crucial evidence from the first time she had tried to take Ayasha, in the hospital. I didn't remember being so frightening. But through her words I sounded like a demon.

A mobile rang stridently, breaking my train of thought.

"Jackson." The conversation was short and one sided.

"I understand," he said and closed the phone, leaning forward again. Apparently, he had what he wanted now, and was moving to bring things to a head. "That's all very touching I'm sure, but let's get to the heart of the matter. I'll read you the judge's findings from the hearing:

His degree of mental incapacity is very mild and I find no reason why Alex Flynt should be judged an incompetent parent. The parents have demonstrated progress with the child that has not been repeatable under the proposed institutional conditions, and thus I see no reason why Ayasha should not be returned to the custody of Alex Flynt.

Whilst her dedication to her child is not in question, the charges of breach of code of conduct against Hungry Flame still stand, and will be processed at a later date."

"You think that gives me motive for attempted murder?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "What was your response?"

"I was stunned I guess. I thought it would all be over when we got Ayasha back. I was pretty gutted that I was still on trial."

"Because of Comforter Constant Green."

"I suppose. It was her allegations that were at the heart of the matter, yes."

"And you tried to speak to her afterwards?"

"Yes, I… I did try. But she didn't want to speak to me, and Melts Blue Ice held me back, and…" It had been chaos. Everyone was in uproar. The news cameras were in everybody's faces. I just wanted my baby back. I couldn't understand that despite everything, I was still a liability. I lost Alex, I lost Bhask in the melee, and when I finally got free they were still nowhere to be seen.

I found Bhask was sitting on the steps of the courthouse, silhouetted against the nectarine light of the setting sun, staring at something in his hands. A Seeker issue Beretta.

"Bhaskar!" My eyes flew to the safety. It was on.

He looked at me as if from a distance.

"It was in her car. Unlocked. I didn't break in. I just thought… It's not fair. She put us through hell. She tried to take Yashie away from us. The judge proved that was wrong. Why is it still wrong for you to have stood up to her?"

It was Constant Green's gun? That was even worse. That was so much worse. "You are going to give that back right now."

But her car was gone.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck," I muttered. I needed to get the gun back to her with as little fuss as possible. Preferably before she realized it was missing. We'd have to get her address. We'd have to go to her house, hope the car was there, and put it back.

We drove as fast as we dared to Seeker headquarters and I found her on the database, skimming her file for current address. Night was falling as we made our way through the suburbs to her house. The houses stood cheek by jowl with no room for garages, so everyone parked on the street. I had to drop Bhask off in front of her car while I went to hunt for a park.

But when I hurried back, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Bhaskar!" I hissed, my eyes darting into every shadow.

"Mum!" I heard distantly, and saw him waving to me from a window. Her window. I tried to wave him back, but his waves grew increasingly insistent and I ran over, sweat prickling on my neck. He pointed shakily through the window I and followed his frozen gaze.

"Oh shit."

Comforter Constant Green was lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood, the ceiling lights casting subdued reflections in it and the surrounding hardwood floors. The window and the wall had been hit with blood as well. A gunshot wound to the head. I heaved at the window but it was locked. I ran for the front door and shoved it in, my fingers reaching for a pulse. There was none. I dialed emergency and started chest compressions immediately, her blood soaking into the knees of my pants.

"Bhask, get out of here. Take the car, go straight to the airport, get on the first plane out of the country, then go find Dorsey, ok?"

"I didn't do it, Mum-"

"I know, but they don't. Go!"

I kept up the CPR as I left a message on Melts Blue Ice's phone, as her blood crept up the fabric of my pants and my knees slipped on the smeared polished floors, until the Healers and the Seekers arrived and pulled me away, charged me, seized my clothes as evidence, and took me into custody.

"Well that's an interesting perspective, but the facts of the matter tell a different story," Jackson said breezily, "Your son has left the country, his fingerprints are on the weapon in question, and it has been demonstrated that you are a very devoted mother. I think Bhaskar shot that woman, and you went to the scene of the crime and covered up for him."

"Neither of us could have done it. He was with me all the time until I had to park. She had been shot at least half an hour before that. There was no time."

Jackson leaned back with a satisfied glint in his eye.

"So Bhaskar and yourself were together during the entire time period in question."

"Yes."

He wiggled his pen in his fingers, watching me with suppressed delight. I had the feeling he was waiting for me to fall into his trap. Or maybe I had fallen in already and he was waiting for me to hit the bottom.

"So neither of you can be an alibi for Alex Flynt."

I hit the bottom.

He went on.

"Alex Flynt, mentally damaged, highly stressed, former soldier. He not only knows how to fire weapons to kill people, he has done it in the past. Legally. Usually. He has the motivation, the opportunity, the ability. And he has no alibi."

"Alex…?" I whispered, seeing it from a Seeker's perspective and my own at the same time, dizzyingly, "You have no proof… that's all circumstantial evidence-"

"All the proof leads to Bhaskar."

_Or me_.

"You can see what a tricky situation that puts us in. But were Alex to be convicted, I'm sure he would get off very lightly considering his mental situation. Bhaskar, on the other hand... he has no extenuating circumstances.

"Would you like to tell me where Bhaskar went?"

"No." I would not like to. I would not like to at all. Jackson's eyes bored into me, judging the time to be right.

"Would you like to confess to the murder of Comforter Constant Green?"

I bit my lip. _Maybe_, I thought. It was preferable to Bhask or Alex being convicted. Ayasha needed Alex, he was the one with custody. I already had a pending conviction. And I couldn't let Bhask take the fall.

But he had not put all his cards on the table.

"Comforter Constant Green was not shot by a Beretta. She was shot by a Glock. You have a Glock, don't you, Hungry Flame?"

I nodded reluctantly, but there was no use trying to hide it.

"Would Alex have access to that gun?"

_Of course_. So would Bhask. I said nothing.

"Can you tell me where you keep that gun?"

I told him precisely.

"We have a warrant to search your house. If that gun is not there, we are going to charge Alex Flynt with murder."

"Murder? Not attempted murder?"

"She died twenty minutes ago. That makes it murder."

_Shiiiit_.

"No." My voice came out barely louder than a whisper, but completely determined.

"I'm sorry?"

"You can't arrest Alex. He didn't do it." _And Ayasha needs him_.

"Then who do you suggest I arrest?"

Despite my fears, I could only say the truth.

"I don't know," I whispered.

A frown pulled at his cheeks. Apparently I was being uncooperative. He watched me in silence, tapping his pen on the table, til there was a knock on the door. The man who stuck his head in beckoned him out, and I was alone at last to think things through. As a Seeker, not as a suspect.

I know we didn't do it. And suicide made no sense. Why would a Soul go to the trouble of shooting themselves when they could easily kill themselves without the violence and the mess. Besides, there had been no gun in her hand. Unless it had slipped under a couch or something. I hadn't looked…

When they came back into the room I started talking before they had a chance to say a word.

"Check the car's GPS. It will back up what I've told you. Neither Bhask nor I could have done it. I don't know where Alex is but, I assume he would have gone to get Ayasha, then gone home. Ask at the Children's Ward. Ask the neighbours." Then I remembered it must be about 2 in the morning.

"I don't need you to tell me how to do my job."

"Well, maybe you do. There's a whole angle you're missing here. What is a Comforter doing with Seeker-issue guns? With guns at all? She's a Soul! And surely the neighbours must have heard the shot?"

"These are not details of the investigation I can disclose to you at this point in time. Rest assured we are doing our jobs. I think we've covered enough tonight, Montgomery here will take you back to the cells, we'll talk again in the morning."

"Wait, was Alex at home? Ayasha?"

They looked at each other before replying.

"Yes."

"Can I see them? Can I talk to them?"

A thoughtful look seeped into Jackson's features and he flipped open his mobile, dialed a number.

"I've got Hungry Flame here, wants a word with Alex Flynt." He handed it to me.

"Alex?"

"What the hell is going on, Flame?"

"Have you got Ayasha?"

"Of course! Where are you? Where's Bhask? Why is nobody answering their bloody phones-" These were not questions I wanted to answer in front of Jackson.

"I'm fine. Bhask's fine. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I'll, um, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Flame!" he shouted, but I hung up. I handed Jackson back his phone and he waited a moment to see if I had anything more to say. Like a full confession. I kept my face stony. He swept out of the room and left me to Montgomery. He smiled almost apologetically and led me to the cells.

***

The cell bed lay directly in front of the door. I was not happy with the feng shui, so I pulled the blanket off and curled up in the furthest corner, wrapping the thick material around my wrists so they could feel that the handcuffs were not there. I would need some sleep before interviewing began again tomorrow, but something chewed at the edges of my mind. A Glock and a Beretta, a Glock and a Beretta... something about those two guns… I flicked the hair out my face, and it hit the side of my head stiffly, still dipped in dried blood. Random thoughts, loose ends, started flashing at me. Something came back to me from her file: a history of mental instability. She had had antagonistic encounters before. And the house was a big one. Too big, surely, for a single Comforter. I was sure she couldn't have any children. No one could be so heartless about Ayasha who had children of their own. Someone else must live at that address too. Maybe someone with access to guns… A Seeker. A workmate of Jackson's. That would explain the guns, the relentless insistence on pinning it on my family…

I was in deeper than I thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

When Montgomery came to get me in the morning I was ready. I put my wrists forward for the handcuffs.

"I don't think we need to bother with those," he muttered, looking a little embarrassed. Mind games were not his way then. Whilst my opinion of him as a human grew, my opinion of him as a Seeker plummeted.

I waited til we were half way back to the interview room, amongst an archipelago of desks. It was early yet and few Seekers were at work, leaving dozens of screens unattended. All connected directly to the Seeker database. My mouth wetted at the thought.

"I want breakfast first," I said, stopping. Montgomery turned slowly. "I'm not going into the interview room without breakfast."

"You've got to be kidding."

"It's a fundametal human right," I said seriously, "There's a vending machine over there. A nut bar will be satisfactory. No dried fruit. And not the yoghurt topped ones." I held out my wrists and he sighed, handcuffing me to the desk and mooching over to the machine, his back turned. My opinion of him fell even lower, but I wasted no time, attacking the keyboard silently.

Seeker database. Address. My fingers stabbed awkwardly because of the cuffs. But it came through: Comforter Constant Green and Seeker Follows Echoes. I looked up his file. Beretta. It was his gun. She had his gun. She had taken his gun? He had lodged a missing weapon report, yesterday, and taken out a Glock temporarily. That was the Glock and Beretta then.

They were similar looking guns. But a Glock has an internal safety. In the trigger. So you can just point and shoot. In a Beretta it's mounted on the body of the gun, on the slide. You have to manually disengage it before you can shoot. If you were used to using a Beretta, you might not know about the internal safety mechanism of a Glock.

Could there have been some kind of accident? Why had she taken his gun? Self defence? Surely not with plans to use it. Even for a highly stressed, mentally unstable Soul that was unlikely. Was she afraid I would come for her? And where was her mate, Follows Echoes?

"Hey!" Montgomery dropped my non-yoghurt, fruit free nut bar and swiveled me away from the keyboard. But I had enough.

"Where's Follows Echoes? She was shot with his gun, wasn't she? The Glock he had picked up that day-"

"You are not allowed to be in there, that is private information."

"I'm still a Seeker last time I checked. I have authorization."

"You are under investigation – bloody hell, you know what I mean."

"There is no evidence linking me or my family with the murder weapon, you've got no reason to hold me."

"Ah, you were found at the scene of the crime covered in the vic's blood?"

"Yeah, because I called it in. You really think I'd hang around if I'd killed her?"

"I don't know what you'd do."

"For God's sake we have alibis!"

"Your alibi has fled the country. Tell us where he is and maybe he'll back you up."

"The GPS-"

"The GPS says where your car was. Anybody could have been driving it."

"My prints and Bhask's prints will be on the steering wheel."

"Look, you really don't need to concern yourself with these details. That's not your job here-"

"Well excuse me for being a little concerned, but you seem to be trying to stitch me up for murder!"

"That is a very serious allegation. We are just trying to do our jobs."

"Tell me where is Follows Echoes!"

"I'm right here."

I spun around and saw a man whose face was drawn with grief, whose eyes burned at the sight of me. He had lost his mate last night. I couldn't begin to think how he was coping.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"Perhaps we could continue this in the actual interview room?" he said, and I followed meekly behind as soon as Montgomery freed me from the desk. Follows Echoes shut the door firmly, leant on it for a while, then slowly sat in front of me. Montgomery sat in the corner, watching. I waited, motionless with trepidation.

"From everything I've read about you. Seeker reports. Healer reports. Comforter reports. I get the same message. Belligerent," Follows Echoes said quietly, speaking slowly and deliberately, avoiding my gaze.

My mouth fell open, but I shut it again. It was probably fair enough, for all that it stung.

"You always get your man, you always get your way. You never give up. A formidable opponent." He looked up and met my eyes: I saw a deep hatred sunk in a fire of anger and grief. It took me a minute to be able to reply.

"I didn't kill her," I said firmly, but quietly.

"Do you have any idea how much she was afraid of you?"

"I never threatened her. I never-"

"Your reputation preceded you. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't concentrate on anything…"

"I'm sorry if she was suffering-"

"She is dead because of you."

"I didn't kill her-"

"No, but she is dead because of you all the same." He kept his voice controlled but the intensity of his emotion burned me. I was stunned and didn't even look up when Jackson barged in.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You are not supposed to be anywhere near this investigation! Get out!"

Follows Echoes made to argue but Jackson was having none of it.

"Now!"

Follows Echoes stalked out of the room in silent fury.

"Go home!" Jackson shouted out the door before he shut it.

"What did he say, Gomez," Jackson muttered to Montgomery, clutching the back of a chair with his back to me, getting his temper under control.

"He said I killed her," I whispered, "he said she was afraid of me…" She had come home from the chaos of the court, where I had tried to get to her, knowing that the madness would go on, the investigations, the media, she had come home and found the Glock, grabbing it as protection against me, the demon-seeker that she had wrongfully put through hell. If she had picked it up, thinking it was the Beretta, thinking the safety was on, or not thinking at all, agitated, gesticulating, if she had squeezed the trigger past the safety…

"Fuck," Jackson said, and I realized they had been talking to me while I stared at the wall, lost in thought.

"Get her to the Healer Centre, she's fucking traumatised or something."

Follows Echoes must have been home. He must have seen what happened. Or heard at least. But there was no sign of him when I got there. Had he just left? Just walked off into the night? Leaving her there, dying? He was a Seeker, he was trained to respond to such situations… but I knew, when it came to loved ones, there was no telling what you would do. I would never have guessed that I would have hit Alex when they told me they took Ayasha away. Training, logic, thought, everything went out the window.

The Seeker van pulled up in front of the Healing Centre and the door to the prisoner's compartment opened. I stayed put.

"I don't want to be here."

"We just need to get you checked out," Montgomery said evenly, as if it were totally rational to walk into a Healing Centre. But I knew that once inside the Healing system, especially for suspicion of metal impairment, it was very hard to get out. I knew it personally. I had spent enough of my life in that building, and I was damned if I was going in there again for this.

"I don't want to go in there. I want to go home."

"Don't make us do this the hard way, Hungry Flame."

"You can't make me go in there. I have the right to refuse medical attention."

"If you are mentally competent, sure. You've just been staring at the wall like a zombie for the last half hour. I think that gives us adequate cause."

"Then let's do this the hard way." I steeled myself against the furthest corner of the truck.

Montgomery swore and clasped his hands on top of his head, accentuating his paunch. I was betting he hadn't attended self-defense classes in a while.

"Take me home. I want to see Alex."

He let out a long slow breath, thinking, watching the early morning traffic start to build. Then he flipped out his mobile and tossed it to me.

"Call him."

I wasted no time.

"Alex?"

"Flame! Where are you? Don't you dare hang up!"

"They've taken me to the Healing Centre. I'm not going in there. They said I killed her. They said-"

"Who, the Seekers? Alright, hang in there, I'm coming-"

"Let me have a word?" Montgomery said, hand outstretched, and I obediently tossed him the phone.

"Mr Flynt? We have a bit of a situation on our hands here. Hungry Flame is refusing to get out of the truck. We have serious concerns for her mental health, and she is leaving us with no choice but to use force on her. If you could possibly… Ah, I see... Yes, we've noticed. I believe 'belligerent' was the term used... Sorry, forget about it… Well, we'll wait for your arrival then. Thank you, Mr Flynt."

"He's coming?"

"He's on his way. I believe I could charge him with driving while talking on a mobile, if I were particular." He noted the look on my face and relented. "I'm not particular."

We waited, watching each other across the length of the prisoner's compartment, neither daring to relax.

Finally Alex's car pulled in and he went to jump into the compartment.

"No! Wait, they'll trap you in here!" I said, my voice tight with fear.

"We're feeling a little paranoid today," Montgomery explained as Alex stepped back out and stood at the doorway. Alex ignored him.

"Then come out here, Flame."

I edged towards the doors, keeping my eyes on his.

"I'm not going in there."

"I know."

"You won't let them take me."

"You know I won't."

Montgomery's phone rang as Alex pulled me the last few steps out of the truck and held me tight.

"She's refusing medical attention. She says she wants to go home." Montgomery was saying, "I really don't like our chances of getting her in there, not without some serious physical injuries."

"Flame," Alex growled softly, "what have you been up to?"

"Alright, I'll meet you there," Montgomery said hanging up, "I've got permission to take you home for the moment."

"My car or yours?" Alex asked. Montgomery sighed like he'd had enough of the day already.


	6. Chapter 6

**6.**

"She doesn't get on well with Comforters." I heard Alex say from the kitchen.

"Really." A male voice replied. I guess that was pretty obvious to all concerned by now. I helped Yashie tear a new page out of her origami book, and start to fold a frog. The male voice came out of the kitchen and sat on the sofa opposite, getting out a notebook. A Soul. A Seeker.

"Seeker Beebe," he said by way of introduction, "I was wandering if I could talk to you for a moment?"

"Ok," I said, concentrating on the frog.

"I understand you met the victim's mate at headquarters?"

I nodded.

"That was regrettable. Not strictly protocol, I'm sure you understand. I'd like you to tell me what happened there. What did he say."

"Frog," Yashie said with evident satisfaction, handing me the finished paper frog to admire.

"It'll be on the recording," I murmured, handing it back to her and watching her hop it around the sofa cushion as far as she could reach without moving from my lap.

"The recording system wasn't activated unfortunately. I need a statement from you."

I sighed quietly and shifted my attention to his question.

"He, um, he said it was my fault that Comforter Constant Green… had died, that she had been very… distressed about her interactions with me, the trial…"

"You understand of course that no blame can be attributed to you in this case?"

I looked at him, incomprehension dissolving my words in my throat.

"It was an accident. Comforter Constant Green was very stressed, she had a history of mental instability, and was paranoid about you. Just because Follows Echoes blames you does not mean it was your fault. It was an accident."

Jackson marched into the living room but slowed when he saw me, holding Ayasha in my arms, curled into the corner of the couch.

"Follows Echoes made a statement. You're in the clear." Profound relief poured over me like a bucket of cool water. Jackson turned to Seeker Beebe, "How's that psych report going to read?"

"Acute shock. Dealt with within division. No long term complications expected."

"Wait - he's a Comforter?" I managed to ask, as Alex followed Jackson's trail from the still open front door.

"New division. Seekers have medic and comforter divisions now. You'd know that if you came to work occasionally," Jackson replied dryly.

"Is that an offer?" I said faintly, overwhelmed.

"What about the code of conduct charges?" Alex interrupted.

"If Hungry Flame would be prepared to make a statement about what happened, then in light of current events, I think they will be dropped."

"She's not going anywhere today," Alex said, very firmly.

"Of course. Perhaps tomorrow, you could drop in sometime." Jackson flicked me his card and left. I let Yashie take the card from my hands and fold it into another frog.

"You're a Comforter?" I repeated, staring at Seeker Beebe.

"I'm a Seeker first, but I do have psych training. We find a different approach useful in certain situations. Especially with fellow Seekers."

"And you've given me the all clear?"

"Traumatic situation, normal stress response, good recovery when situation normalized. Doesn't get much clearer than that."

"You don't want me to keep seeing you or anything?" This was the strangest comforter I'd ever met. I almost liked him.

"Well, I don't know how Alex'd feel about that, but sure, I'm open to dinner invitations…"

I kept staring at him and blinked a few times.

"I'm kidding. I don't do double dates."

"Oh."

"Good," said Alex, showing him the door not very subtley. "I think Flame could do with a rest now."

"Yes Matron," Seeker Beebe said with false meekness, scuttling away from Alex's glare. Finally we had the house to ourselves.

"Now are you going to tell me where on earth Bhask is?" Alex asked, leaning on the closed front door, making sure we had no more visitors.

I had to laugh. It was wonderful to have that door shut between us and the outside world. I reached out and pulled him onto the couch, feeding my heart with the sight of him and rinsing my mind of the past few weeks.

"With Dorsey of course. Where else could I send him?"

"And how exactly do we tell him it's ok to come home?"

"I hadn't thought that far. We go get him, I suppose."

He frowned and Yashie poked his cheeks to make him smile again. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Mmm, a holiday in a Soul-free zone, just what the doctor ordered."

"That Comforter is crap. You are crazy."

"But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for," I sang, and he buried his head in my neck and groaned. Yash laughed in delight, slowly slithering out of my lap and sitting in a giggling heap on the floor.

"I'm serious about that rest thing. You're past it," Alex said, then watched Yash jiggle pudding-like at my feet. "You're both past it. Way past it."

"Oh alright," I said, stretching out full length on the couch slowly and luxuriously, "On one condition."

His sole response was to raise his eyebrows. I got the idea he did not negotiate with loonies.

"I want Alex to read me my bedtime story," I said, smiling at him.

Yash leapt up and ran for her room.

"And what are we reading this morning?" Alex said, smiling back, as he wedged himself on his side between me and the cushions.

"Rowsby Woof and the Fairy Wogdog!" Yash and I yelled as she came hurtling down the corridor flapping her poor old Watership Down. Alex kissed my cheek to show his appreciation and took the tattered book from Ayasha, who'd climbed up and was using me as a mattress.

"Alright, here we go… One evening, when Frith was sinking huge and red in a green sky, El-ahrairah and Rabscuttle limped trembling through the frozen grass, picking a bite here and there to carry them on for another long night underground…"

I closed my eyes, sinking into the warmth of their combined presence, and let his voice take me away.


End file.
